I have been asking the Lord for “ears to hear” lately. I want to be led by His Spirit to the point that if He says, “Go give a gallon of milk to the lady on the second corner” that I go see if there is a lady on the second corner…..and of course I take milk with me!! If he tells me to intercede for someone, that I take the time to stop and pray until I know I’m finished. I want to make a difference in the lives of the people around me and bring them a measure of hope that their lives can be different and introduce them to Jesus, the one who can make that difference.

That is going to be a process…..I already know that. I have to walk in the present, not zoom around in auto pilot, to even be able to sense that he’s speaking. I’m working on that 🙂 Asking Him to balance my life on many levels and not hyper focus on the item of the day, or month, or season…..get the picture? Welcome to my head!!

I heard a story many years ago, it was on Focus on the Family. A lady shared her story about leaving a K Mart one day to go get in her car. Before she could get there, she was abducted by a man with a gun who forced her into her own car and with a gun to her head told her to drive him somewhere (I don’t remember where). She ended up over a period of a couple of days hearing the Holy Spirit guide her into what to say, what to do and when to do it, and she lived. This man had been on a killing spree and she was the first victim he had abducted that he did not kill. Before she dropped him off at a train station she had led him to the Lord, taken the bullets from his gun and bought him a train ticket. When she drove away, needless to say, she called the police and that’s where he was picked up by the police when they arrived. He was sitting there waiting for the train.

As the story ended I sensed the Lord say to me, “If you had been in that circumstances would you have been able to hear my voice or would fear have been screaming in your ears?” I knew the answer right away. Fear would have been what I would have heard. I lived with a spirit of fear and I knew the feeling of it well. Sometimes I would be SO afraid that my ears would ring like I was about to faint, so I’m sure if I had been that woman all I would have heard was a ringing in my ears.

The Lord used that testimony to show me what the condition of my heart was and what I needed set free from. I spent time in prayer and He even used a series of dreams to begin to disentangle my heart and mind from fear, because I was even afraid to sleep in a house alone. My husband began to work 3rd shift shortly after that and I KNEW I had to get free from fear. In the dreams, there were 4 or 5 of them, it was always the same scene. A man climbed into my bedroom window and came into the living room where I was. In the first dream I panicked but then remembered to pray. So I commanded the man to leave my house in Jesus’ name and he did. In the dreams following it was all the same except every time the man entered my house he didn’t get as far before I would pray and rebuke him and he would be gone. Finally he was just climbing into the window when I prayed and he left. Then the dreams stopped. I knew from those dreams that I needed to take action in those fearful situations and that God was with me….I just needed to pray. I still struggled with fear, but Holly, who was only a baby, and I slept without Greg for many years, since he worked nights. Then more children came and I had a false sense of security….you know….safely in numbers?? It didn’t matter that they were babies and toddlers…..I was around people and I guess that made me feel safer.

I had different other times when fear would rear its head, and I would pray and feel it subside, but here recently, with all the kids gone, my husband traveling and my brother gone for up to a month at a time, I would have opportunities to look fear in the eye and say no. I have been learning how to say no……but I want more than that. I want peace…..

Recently, we were in a situation where we were getting a car for a family member and it got sticky. The DMV kept giving us trouble and we had to go through a series of steps to get all of the transactions taken care of. You know that feeling of taking ephedra and feeling like you’re speeding on the inside. I was dealing with that, only it was fear speeding me up on the inside not the herb. Every time I would have to go to the office and talk to them I would be standing there looking perfectly calm on the outside but shaking so badly on the inside that my knees felt weak. I literally felt like my shaking could be seen visibly, it was so bad. After the last visit, I walked out with the license plates in hand and told my daughter how I had felt on the inside. I said, this experience has made me realize that I still have work to do in the category of fear. I may look like I’m cool, calm and collected, but the inside of me was a mess. I said, “This is what I want the Lord to work out in me. If I’m going to be led by the Spirit…..and who knows what the days ahead may hold, I HAVE to have fear dealt with in my life once and for all!!”

A few days later I came across this well-known scripture in Philippians 4:6 & 7 which says, “Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests by made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” This is what I want….peace which passes all understanding. I want His peace to permeate in me when stressful situations arise. I want to be able to hear his voice NO MATTER WHAT.

A couple of weeks ago I had a horrible dream. I had not had a dream like that in years. I was hiding with someone, not sure who it was but I think Greg was there, and we were just waiting to be found by whoever was searching for us. In the dream I was panicked and my mind was scrambling to figure out what to do, and then I woke up. At first I was like what the heck??? I have NO idea what that was about. Then the next day I was having some dental work done (an implant to be exact) and they had given me numbing shots and I had my ear buds in and listening to worship music to block out all the noises that do not bring peace :-). I asked the Lord to speak to me since I had time to just sit and the first thing that popped into my mind was that dream and the Lord said, “In that desperate situation were you able to hear My voice?” and I knew exactly what the dream was for. Exactly what I told Hannah I wanted….peace to be able to hear the Lords voice no matter what is going on outwardly. That dream was showing me that I’m not there and was a vivid reminder that I want to be praying for any obstacle to be removed that hinders me from having the “peace that passes all understanding”.

Like I said earlier, we have no idea what the days ahead may bring, and I want to be able to hear the voice of the Spirit telling me to go and stop and turn left or turn right. I want to be led to pray for someone in the grocery store parking lot, or hear the voice of the Lord telling me to speak prophetically over someone. I want to make a difference to the people around me. I want to reveal Christ in my everyday life, not just at church with people who believe just the same way I do.

So, I am asking Him for peace….and ears to hear what He will say.