I’ve been asking the Lord for more for a while now. I love it when He drops nuggets of truth for me to find when I least expect it. One of these times was yesterday morning when I was doing my “read the Bible in a year” morning reading. The text is John 4 :3-39 where Jesus is in Samaria and He talks to the woman at the well. The Passion Bible is what I was reading in and this verse just hit me:

Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink of water.” Surprised, she said, “Why would a Jewish man ask a Samaritan woman for a drink of water?”  Jesus replied, “If you only knew who I am and the gift that God wants to give you—you’d ask me for a drink, and I would give to you living water.”

Then I began to go on a journey of discovery. As I paused I began to think about the scene that was being formulated in my mind. Verse 6 says Jesus was at the well at the 6th hour of the day.

NIV takes the sixth hour to be the sixth hour after sunrise, which would be noon; Halley takes it as the sixth after midday, which would be 6 PM. Lancon says it’s the sixth hour after sunset (around midnight, I suppose). Which seems the most likely? Bear in mind that there are other time references; for example Jesus died at the ninth hour, when it was still light: this is generally taken to be around 3 pm.  So based on the crucifixion being at the 9th hour while it was still light, let’s assume the 6th hour is noon.

Noon is hot.  The women went to gather water early in the morning while it was still cool.  For this woman to be getting water at noon indicates she avoided the other women in her town.  After all, she had been married 5 times and the one she was now with wouldn’t even marry her.  5 men had married and divorced her.  In her mind she wasn’t even worth enough for these men to want her. A constant obstacle in her mind of low self esteem, dishonor and shame.

Women were more like property in those days.  Men could divorce women but women could not divorce men, that’s my understanding anyway.  And she would not have been the only wife.  To be clumped together with other women and always being the one discarded certainly would not give you any sense of worth or value.  I’m sure the thought, “What’s wrong with me?” had to always be on her mind.  Those pesky thoughts we all try to cover up.

So she goes to the well at noon to avoid the looks, and probably opinions of the women who should have been on her side.  After all, they too were in relationships with men who probably had more than one wife and they, too, were disposable property if they didn’t cut the mustard so to speak.  But, for whatever reason, she did not feel their kinship.

Then Jesus says the strangest thing.  He says “If you only knew who I am and the gift that God wants to give you—you’d ask me for a drink, and I would give to you living water.”

What???  In her culture a woman would NEVER ask a man for a drink.  Women were sub-class, they served the men.  Never would a woman assume to ask a man for a drink.  That did not happen.

And He insinuated that if she would ask He would actually give her a drink.  That had to have struck something within her, so she replies, “ “But sir, you don’t even have a bucket and this well is very deep. So where do you find this ‘living water’?   Do you really think that you are greater than our ancestor Jacob who dug this well and drank from it himself, along with his children and livestock?”

Obviously, from her reply, she is still thinking about physical water.  At least she is polite in her reply as she questions Him.

So she has all of these obstacles…first she is a woman.  Then she is a Samaritan.  Jews did not value the Samaritans. They even held them in contempt.  It’s my understanding that when Judah was carried off in captivity to Babylon and were allowed to return 70 years later to rebuild their kingdom, the Samaritans were occupying the area and opposed the Jews coming back to rebuild the walls to their cities.  So a hatred for each other arose.  I’m sure the Samaritans did not want them coming back to re-occupy their former land.  And the Jewish people wondered why anyone would want to oppose them returning to their own land.  You know how things can start with people.  We still see feuds today over things a lot smaller than this.

Then to make matters worse there’s the “5 times divorced” issue and living with a man who doesn’t even value her enough to marry her.  Obstacle after obstacle after obstacle in her mind.  Why would this Jew be speaking to me?  Why would this MAN be telling me that I should be asking HIM for a drink?  She is processing all of this invitation through her scratched lenses.

The same lenses we all process our lives through.  The circumstances may be different, but life does a number on us. With each circumstance that brings wounded-ness another scratch is added for us to process life through.  Some scratches are created from defense…some from denial, some from pain.  But the scratches are there, satan makes sure of that.  He does not want us “seeing” who we are called to be.  He doesn’t want us becoming  who God is calling us to be.

We walk along with baggage.  One of those zipped up suitcase that we roll along behind us on those little wheels.  Have you ever noticed that at the most inopportune times, the wheels of our baggage hit a rut in the road, the zipper pops open and all of our dirty laundry is exposed for all to see?  I hate those times…but back to the Samaritan woman and Jesus.

Then her carefully avoided issue is once again exposed. The very issue that keeps her coming for water at the hottest time of the day, avoiding contact with other women.  This Jewish man says “Go get your husband and bring him back here.”   “But I’m not married,” the woman answered. “That’s true,” Jesus said,  “for you’ve been married five times and now you’re living with a man who is not your husband. You have told the truth.”

Have you even had someone tell you the truth, even a hard truth, yet you detect no judgement?  No harshness?  No snide insinuations?  That must have been the case here because her reply is, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet.”  That would not have been her response if she had felt judged by Him.  She was used to the feelings of judgment, but she didn’t feel it from Him.

He was removing her defenses a little at a time.  With each word exchanged, her barriers lower.  With each element of truth He presents, she is drawn in.  In the beginning of their conversation she says “you” and “me” (verse 9)…her words were divisive, guarded.  But later on in their dialogue she starts saying “our” (verse 12), a sign of unity, of one-ness.  The barriers are coming down.

He finally reveals that He is the Messiah (verses 25 & 26) she leaves her water pot and goes back into town and says to the men “Come, see a man who told me all things that I have done, this is not the Christ, is it?”

So, basically, revival broke out in Samaria  (verses 39-42).  Because of this out-cast woman, whom Jesus thought worthy to reveal His true identity, she testifies of what happened to her and many came to believe in Him.  Then verse 42 says that people said to her, “It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this One is indeed the Savior of the world”.

What obstacles do we feel that keep us from coming to Him fully?  For each of us it’s something different.  But we all have them.  Some of us know Him, some of us have not yet accepted Him, and we all have obstacles that hold us back.

But Jesus calls us.  He looks past all of our barriers and He calls.  He draws us with no judgment and no condemnation.  He accepts us where we are and extends His gift of life.  He will take our mess of a life and bring wholeness.

Once we have tasted of His love we are never the same.  And with each healing touch we go tell others.  Once we’ve tasted of His love we call others in.  How can we not when His love is so good.  And it wrecks us for more….  status quo is no longer good enough…

I’ve had some thoughts stirring in my heart for a while now; A deep desire to walk closer with the Lord and be used by Him in a deeper way. I have been reading accounts of believers from other eras and it’s stirred a hunger in me to live more fully with the Lord. To be led by His Spirit…..to pray for people and see God move on their behalf. I watched a video a couple of years back called Paid In Full, God’s Desire To Heal through Today’s Believers. Oh. My. Gosh!!! That video set me on fire for praying for people. It made me realize that nothing’s changed as far as God’s concerned, when it comes to healing.

Check out this video clip to see some pretty amazing stuff!

I’ve also been reading some books covering the lives of some men of faith. One such book is on the life of Smith Wigglesworth. He prayed for thousands of people and saw them healed. He died in 1947 which is just a few years before I was born. The book, that I LOVE, is Smith Wigglesworth: Apostle of Faith by Stanley Howard Frodsham. He covers the life of Smith from his early years at home, his salvation, meeting his wife Polly and then being spirit filled and so many different healings and obstacles he encountered. Here is one excerpt from this book:

God gave me a great zeal in soul winning. Every day I sought to bring someone to Christ. I was willing to wait an hour any day to have an interview with anyone about his soul’s salvation. At one place I waited an hour and a half, asking God to direct me to the one of His choice. The road was filled with people but I kept saying to the Lord, “I want the right man.” After awhile I was somewhat impatient in my spirit and I said, “Lord, I don’t have much time to waste.” But God did not call it wasted time. After an hour and a half, a man came along with a horse and cart, and the Lord spoke to me just as He spoke to Phillip when He told him to join himself to the chariot of the Ethiopian. I got up in the cart beside the man and was soon talking with him about his need of salvation. He growled, “Why don’t you go about your own business? Why should you pick me out and talk to me?”
I wondered whether I had made a mistake, I looked up to the Lord and said, “Is this the right man, Lord?” He said to me, “Yes, this is the right man.” And so I continued to talk to him and plead with him to yield his life to Christ. By and by I saw that he was shedding tears, and I knew that God has softened his heart and the seed of the Word was entering. After I was sure a true work of grace had been wrought, I jumped down from his cart, and he went on his way.
Three weeks later my mother said to me, “Smith, have you been talking to someone about salvation?” “I am always doing that, Mother.” “Well, I visited a man last night. He was dying; he has been in bed for three weeks. I asked whether he would like someone to come and pray with him. He said, “the last time I was out, a young man got into my cart and spoke to me. I was very rough with him but he was very persistent. Anyhow, God convicted me of my sins and saved me.” My mother continued, “That was the last time that man was out. He passed away in the night. He described the young man who talked with him and I could tell from his description that you were the one.”

Again…..I have to say Oh. My. Gosh! To have that kind of walk…..to be used by the Lord in those kind of ways….. to be willing to sit an hour and a half  waiting on the Lord for just the right encounter. I am craving it. But I know there will need to be changes in my life for that kind of walk. I don’t know for sure what it is yet, but I am asking for wisdom to see what steps I need to take. I do know this though, my life needs to be simplified.  I need to make room for Him.

Unfortunately, today’s pace is fast, and full, and brimming with responsibility. We carry mini computers in our pockets so we have the world and all if offers, right at our finger tips. So convenient, and yet it can be so utterly distracting. To have such magnificent technology requires a discipline that would keep us from being sucked in. I have been sucked in, for awhile now. I’m taking steps to back out a bit from the constant drive to know……to do…. I mean I even eat my lunch, if I’m alone, looking at my phone or iPad. There’s not a moment that I’m not looking to see if I have orders, or scan Facebook (even though Facebook can be a good thing. I see needs I can pray for) , etc. So I’m reining it in a bit. That is step one.

I have been having this thought lately. I was praying one Sunday morning, on the way to church, that God would speak to me, or through me, or whatever He wanted, and I felt Him give an invitation. It was to leave the status quo of our lives and step into something deeper, something more fulfilling than the norm. Living life with the Lord should be anything but status quo…..but for some reason it has been.

I love church, I love going to church and worshiping and hearing the word. I love the fact that we have a prayer team of people just waiting to pray for us…..all we have to do it step on over. But we are caught up in the norm. We come in with situations that we need the Lord for, we worship, hear the word, go eat our bagel and get our kids and go home. I’ve been asking the Lord why that is. Why do we do that? I’m guilty too…..I have needs, areas I need God’s touch and wisdom, but I’m rarely over for prayer. That needs to change. So it starts with me. I’m stepping out of status quo. I reject the norm. I want the fullness of God. I want His thoughts and His ways directing my day. I want His divine interventions.

I read this scripture yesterday morning. “Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice. How blessed are all those who long for Him.” Isaiah 30:18

Check it out in the Amplified:
And therefore the Lord (earnestly) waits (expecting, looking and longing) to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who (earnestly) wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him (for His victory), His favor, His love, His peace, His joy and His matchless, unbroken companionship). This scripture challenges me. Am I living my everyday life with an expectation?   Am I looking and longing for Him? For some time now I haven’t been. I’ve been stuck in status quo…. normalcy….. But the hunger is stirring me, it’s waking me up.

So I spent some time yesterday morning asking Him what I needed to change. Right away I was drawn back to the book by Smith Wigglesworth. I almost felt guilty reading the next chapter as I was having God time, but the next chapter had such a revelation I realized it was what I was supposed to read next. It was a chapter titled His Secret of Spiritual Strength (that should have given me a clue…). It starts out saying, Many will ask, “Had Smith Wigglesworth any spiritual secret? Wherein did his great strength lie?” The two main factors in his spiritual life were these: his reliance upon the Spirit of God and his confidence in the Word of God. These were the foundations of his holy audacity and his constant boldness of action.

Then further down in the chapter it continued. “Years ago the Spirit of God began to speak to me, but I was too busy to heed His voice. He persisted, until I commenced to go aside when He spoke, so that I could hear what God the Lord had to say. This became my manner of life. I obeyed His pleading voice; until now, at the slightest breath of the Spirit, I leave everyone and everything to be in His presence, to hear and to obey His Word.”

I thought about this and saw this analogy. Those of us who are married, or anyone who has started a dating relationship can see what I’m about to say. In the beginning of a relationship we are willing to step aside anytime for a phone call or impromptu date night with the one we love. We make ourselves available and will rearrange our schedules to make a date work. We long to spend as much time as possible with that person and we will be flexible. But how many times have we had a thought or prompting from the Lord and we’ve said, “I’ll think about that later tonight, or I’ll pray about that later.” I have lots of times. That is the first thing I need to change to walk deeper with Him. I need to make myself available. I need to be flexible for Him to alter my day (right now I’m supposed to be paying bills, but He told me to write this instead). I’m trying….I know I’ll fall short, I’m human…but He is SO full of mercy and grace for me. I know He will help me.

So I extend the invitation to you. Are you ready to leave status quo? Ready to kick normality to the curb?   I am….I invite you to come with me. Let’s see how much more exciting life can be with Him leading instead. I invite you all to ask me when you see me how I’m doing with the flexibility aspect and you can ask me for prayer any time. I am ready to ask the God of Heaven to move on your behalf.

There’s been an ongoing theme going on inside of me for a few years now.    God has been speaking to me about trusting Him no matter what.  I’ve been thankful for His healing in my life in this area because I lived most of my life with fear.  Not just the “I’m scared of the dark” kind (but believe me, when I was a kid I WAS scared of the dark).  I’m talking about ears ringing, heart pounding, on the verge of fainting kind of fear.  Hopefully, none of you know what I’m talking about……I hope none of you can relate to this paralyzing kind of fear.

So needless to say, I was afraid of the future.  I was afraid to be alone in the house by myself at night.  I certainly didn’t subject myself to scary movies very often…that was just fodder for the enemy to use against me at the most inopportune times.  I remember my parents being out of town when I was 16 or 17 years old and Greg and I had gone out on a date.  We probably saw a movie at the drive in.  All I remember for sure is he was taking me back home around midnight to a completely dark and empty house.  There was NO way I was going into that house alone and I certainly couldn’t go to sleep by myself.  And take a shower?…you saw Psycho didn’t you?  I never took showers in an empty house….you know what happens in the shower scene, right???  So Greg drove me to the house, and I made him come inside (not caring what the neighbors thought) and stay there all night long.  We sat and talked until almost dawn when I finally was comfortable enough for him to go home so I could grab a couple of hours of sleep before I had to be at work.

Well, some years later, Greg and I were married, and low and behold the worst thing in the world happened.  Greg got moved to third shift!!  It was only Holly and I alone in the house all night long.  Having a 1 year old (even though she was a warm body) didn’t make me feel secure.  Besides, I’d grown up having nightmares ever since I was 4 or 5 years old.  Night time wasn’t necessarily a peaceful time for me.  I knew I had to get over this paralyzing fear.  I began to pray as the sobering reality came that I would indeed be alone.

Interestingly enough, I began to have a series of dreams.  In the first dream someone broke into my house, came into my bedroom and stood over me with a knife raised above their head.  In the dream I rebuked them in the name of Jesus and they turned around and left.  That was the first time I had ever had a bad dream with a good outcome.  I remember thinking about it the next morning and realized that with God I was not powerless.

The next dream I had, men broke into the house and came down the hall, but before they got to my bedroom I rebuked them in the name of Jesus and they turned around and left.  The next dream another night I heard them in the living room and rebuked them in the name of Jesus and they left.  You get the point.  Finally on the last dream (some weeks later) I heard them outside the house and rebuked them in the name of Jesus and they never broke in.  These dreams all happened a couple of times a week over a period of a month or so.  Not every night but each dream being progressively safer as the Lord showed me I could rely on him AND pray with power.

Even though I was still wary at night, I began to pray every night for angels to stand guard at each window and door and all around my property.  I prayed that prayer every night for years and then would go to sleep.

The next step the Lord took me through was realizing how important it was to be set free from fear.  I was out running errands and listening to James Dobson on the radio.  His guest for the day was a woman who had been kidnapped by a man at gun point.  She was held captive by him for 2-3 days before she was free and she was the only person he had kidnapped that he had not killed.  She told the story of having a gun pointed at her head while she was driving her car and hearing the Holy Spirit tell her what to say and when to say it.  Over the few days that he held her captive she ended up leading him to Christ and he told her to drop him off at a train station, which she did.  When she got home to her husband and family they called the police, and when they got to the station, he was sitting there, right where she’d left him.

After hearing that story, I heard the Lord say to me, “If that had been you what would have happened”?  I knew the answer right away.  Fear would have been screaming so loud inside my head that my ears would have been ringing, my heart would have been pounding and there would have been no way that I could have heard the Holy Spirit tell me anything.  It would not have gone well for me.  I knew then that I needed to complete my journey for healing, but it wasn’t a journey I could move forward.  The Lord was going to have to take me at His speed, addressing situations in His timing.  I just had to trust Him.  I prayed that day and asked Him to take me all the way to deliverance from fear because I knew it hindered me from being led by the Holy Spirit.

Some months after that incident Holly and I were going to the laundry mat.  This was back before the days of cell phones.  Greg and I had argued before he left to go to his parent’s house to spend a few hours visiting with them.  After he left I decided to go to the laundry mat, so still feeling mad I chose to not leave a note….yes I know….that was stupid, I gathered up the laundry, my 18 month old daughter and drove to the facility.  They were busy, so I had to park on the side, in the dark, away from street lights….sounds like a horror movie, right?  Well, it was!

I got all the clothes and my toddler inside, got the machines going with laundry then started noticing my surroundings.  I’m not good at assessing my circumstances in advance like my husband is.  People started leaving and the only person remaining was a creepy middle aged guy who decides he wants to strike up a conversation with me.  He starts asking me if I’d heard about this crime that had happened in the area, and then another, all the while striking his hand with a stick the laundry mat had provided to stir bleach into the water.  My ears started ringing and my heart started pounding and I KNEW I was in danger.  Greg didn’t know where I was, my car was parked in the dark, far away from the door and I couldn’t make a quick get away with a toddler in tow.  I did have the thought that I should pray that God would send Greg to the laundry mat before I had the foreboding realization that he didn’t know I had gone there.  I felt sick to my stomach with fear and grief while this creepy guy keeps talking and looking at me with weird looks.

Then all of a sudden Greg comes into the laundry mat.  I said loudly, “Greg!  I’m glad you have come”.  Creepy guy turned around quickly and looked at Greg, put down the stick and walked out.  When I heard the story from Greg’s side, he said he was driving home from his parent’s house when the Lord said to him, “Go to the laundry mat, your wife’s in trouble.”  Oh my gosh!!!  You can’t imagine my relief, and another realization of how important it was to begin to learn how to be led by the Spirit……and leave your husband a note  😉

I wish I could tell you that I was set free in a short amount of time…..that didn’t happen.  But what I can tell you was over time, fear lessened it’s grip over me.  Different events with people praying for me, when God would reveal something that needed prayer set healing in motion, a piece at a time.  I can’t say that I’m 100% set free, but I think Greg would have to agree, knowing what I used to be, that I’m at least 90% free.  I’ve had dreams, even in the last year, that I will be in dangerous situations and I pray in those moments.  When I awaken I think about how I want to be that way in my daily life.  Asking for His perspective instead of trying to figure it out on my own.

I know this has been a long introduction to what God has been showing me in the last couple of years, but I wanted you to understand where I’ve come from.

All of us, over the last 5 years or so, have seen posts on how bad our nation is becoming and doom and gloom reports of things that could be happening in the future.  None of us know for sure what our future holds, but I know for sure we need to rely on wisdom that is greater than our own.  Whether it’s a natural disaster, or end times, or who knows what, we need His leading.  That is what He’s been showing me.  I can trust in Him….He is not surprised about our future and He has it in control.

The first verse He showed me was Psalms 27:5.  Starting in verse 1 it says:

The Lord is my light and my salvation.  Whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the defense of my life.  Whom shall I dread?  When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh my adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell.  Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear.  Though war arise against me, in spite of this I shall be confident.  One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek.  That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.  Then verse 5 jumped out at me.  It says, “For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle.  In the secret place of His tent He will hide me”. 

I learned in a sermon once, from a pastor who studies Hebrew, that the day of trouble was used by the Hebrews interchangeably with the great tribulation or Jacob’s trouble.  They meant the same thing.  I remember thinking to myself, either I’m going to believe the Word of God or I’m not.  I choose to believe.  I don’t know if His hiding is physical, spiritual or what, but I know His word is true and I can trust in Him.

The Lord kept bringing that back to mind over the next few months, and a new measure of freedom came from fear.  That’s when I had the dreams about turbulent times and praying for His wisdom and direction.  I knew He was showing me to begin developing that behavior now and learn how to walk in His ways and not my own.

Then I was reminded of Elisha and his servant from 2 Kings 6:15-18.  Basically, Elisha and his servant were surrounded by the enemy’s army and horses.  The servant was saying “Alas my master!  What shall we do?”  Elisha said “Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”  Then Elisha prayed that his servant’s eyes would be opened to see what he saw; which was a mountain full of horses and chariots of fire that surrounded Elisha and his servant.  Then Elisha prayed to the Lord that their enemies would be struck with blindness and then they led them captive to Samaria…..God moved in His way.  That was the second step in Him showing me that He also has a plan.  We just have to ask Him for it.

It’s so easy for us to see what the enemy is doing.  In our flesh we see his workings all around us.  I believe God wants us to also see His plan and what He is doing all around us so we can partner with Him as He leads.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For My thoughts are not your thoughts.  Neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”  I take comfort in this verse.  Now I know if you read above it, it’s referring to seeking the Lord while He may be found and how if we return to Him He will have compassion on us and pardon us, but I also believe that this is a truth we can apply to this topic.  He is all wisdom….His ways are NOT our ways…thank goodness.  We can rely on His wisdom when we don’t know how to respond.  And this takes me to Genesis 2 and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

God never intended for us to walk in our own understanding.  He gave Adam and Eve the command to eat from every other tree in the garden but of the tree of knowledge they were  not to eat.  When Adam and Eve sinned by partaking of that tree, scripture says in chapter 3 that their eyes were opened and when God came walking through the garden they hid from Him.

If I understand this correctly, God never intended for us to walk apart from Him.  Part of our sin nature is that struggle between His plans for us and our own willfulness, wanting to decide for ourselves what is best.  We are all so good at making our own plans and deciding for ourselves what we want to do, but learning to be led by the Spirit takes us back into His wisdom and into His presence as we hear from Him about how to live our lives His way.

Lastly, I will share from Proverbs 3:5-7.  It says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.  Do not be wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and turn away from evil”.  This pretty much says it all  🙂

Now none of us will ever do this perfectly.  We are human and will miss it.  But we are all on a journey to know Him more, hear Him better, trust Him more often.  And as we grow up in Him we will get better at hearing Him and then learning to respond to Him sooner.  So yes, the enemy has a plan, BUT God has a plan too.  I want to see His plan, follow His ways and no matter what the future holds, and what the days ahead may look like, I want to obey Him and walk with Him, in the good times and the bad.

So what are the issues that hold you back from hearing Him and trusting Him?  If you ask Him He will show you. What He has done for me He can and will do for you.  His desire for each one of us is to walk in freedom from the issues that bind us.  He wants us to act on his leading….sometimes it might be in tense moments, other times it may be speaking something to someone as He leads.  I want to be free to do that and not be held back by all of the what-ifs.  He has a plan and I want to be a part.

I have been asking the Lord for “ears to hear” lately. I want to be led by His Spirit to the point that if He says, “Go give a gallon of milk to the lady on the second corner” that I go see if there is a lady on the second corner…..and of course I take milk with me!! If he tells me to intercede for someone, that I take the time to stop and pray until I know I’m finished. I want to make a difference in the lives of the people around me and bring them a measure of hope that their lives can be different and introduce them to Jesus, the one who can make that difference.

That is going to be a process…..I already know that. I have to walk in the present, not zoom around in auto pilot, to even be able to sense that he’s speaking. I’m working on that 🙂 Asking Him to balance my life on many levels and not hyper focus on the item of the day, or month, or season…..get the picture? Welcome to my head!!

I heard a story many years ago, it was on Focus on the Family. A lady shared her story about leaving a K Mart one day to go get in her car. Before she could get there, she was abducted by a man with a gun who forced her into her own car and with a gun to her head told her to drive him somewhere (I don’t remember where). She ended up over a period of a couple of days hearing the Holy Spirit guide her into what to say, what to do and when to do it, and she lived. This man had been on a killing spree and she was the first victim he had abducted that he did not kill. Before she dropped him off at a train station she had led him to the Lord, taken the bullets from his gun and bought him a train ticket. When she drove away, needless to say, she called the police and that’s where he was picked up by the police when they arrived. He was sitting there waiting for the train.

As the story ended I sensed the Lord say to me, “If you had been in that circumstances would you have been able to hear my voice or would fear have been screaming in your ears?” I knew the answer right away. Fear would have been what I would have heard. I lived with a spirit of fear and I knew the feeling of it well. Sometimes I would be SO afraid that my ears would ring like I was about to faint, so I’m sure if I had been that woman all I would have heard was a ringing in my ears.

The Lord used that testimony to show me what the condition of my heart was and what I needed set free from. I spent time in prayer and He even used a series of dreams to begin to disentangle my heart and mind from fear, because I was even afraid to sleep in a house alone. My husband began to work 3rd shift shortly after that and I KNEW I had to get free from fear. In the dreams, there were 4 or 5 of them, it was always the same scene. A man climbed into my bedroom window and came into the living room where I was. In the first dream I panicked but then remembered to pray. So I commanded the man to leave my house in Jesus’ name and he did. In the dreams following it was all the same except every time the man entered my house he didn’t get as far before I would pray and rebuke him and he would be gone. Finally he was just climbing into the window when I prayed and he left. Then the dreams stopped. I knew from those dreams that I needed to take action in those fearful situations and that God was with me….I just needed to pray. I still struggled with fear, but Holly, who was only a baby, and I slept without Greg for many years, since he worked nights. Then more children came and I had a false sense of security….you know….safely in numbers?? It didn’t matter that they were babies and toddlers…..I was around people and I guess that made me feel safer.

I had different other times when fear would rear its head, and I would pray and feel it subside, but here recently, with all the kids gone, my husband traveling and my brother gone for up to a month at a time, I would have opportunities to look fear in the eye and say no. I have been learning how to say no……but I want more than that. I want peace…..

Recently, we were in a situation where we were getting a car for a family member and it got sticky. The DMV kept giving us trouble and we had to go through a series of steps to get all of the transactions taken care of. You know that feeling of taking ephedra and feeling like you’re speeding on the inside. I was dealing with that, only it was fear speeding me up on the inside not the herb. Every time I would have to go to the office and talk to them I would be standing there looking perfectly calm on the outside but shaking so badly on the inside that my knees felt weak. I literally felt like my shaking could be seen visibly, it was so bad. After the last visit, I walked out with the license plates in hand and told my daughter how I had felt on the inside. I said, this experience has made me realize that I still have work to do in the category of fear. I may look like I’m cool, calm and collected, but the inside of me was a mess. I said, “This is what I want the Lord to work out in me. If I’m going to be led by the Spirit…..and who knows what the days ahead may hold, I HAVE to have fear dealt with in my life once and for all!!”

A few days later I came across this well-known scripture in Philippians 4:6 & 7 which says, “Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests by made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” This is what I want….peace which passes all understanding. I want His peace to permeate in me when stressful situations arise. I want to be able to hear his voice NO MATTER WHAT.

A couple of weeks ago I had a horrible dream. I had not had a dream like that in years. I was hiding with someone, not sure who it was but I think Greg was there, and we were just waiting to be found by whoever was searching for us. In the dream I was panicked and my mind was scrambling to figure out what to do, and then I woke up. At first I was like what the heck??? I have NO idea what that was about. Then the next day I was having some dental work done (an implant to be exact) and they had given me numbing shots and I had my ear buds in and listening to worship music to block out all the noises that do not bring peace :-). I asked the Lord to speak to me since I had time to just sit and the first thing that popped into my mind was that dream and the Lord said, “In that desperate situation were you able to hear My voice?” and I knew exactly what the dream was for. Exactly what I told Hannah I wanted….peace to be able to hear the Lords voice no matter what is going on outwardly. That dream was showing me that I’m not there and was a vivid reminder that I want to be praying for any obstacle to be removed that hinders me from having the “peace that passes all understanding”.

Like I said earlier, we have no idea what the days ahead may bring, and I want to be able to hear the voice of the Spirit telling me to go and stop and turn left or turn right. I want to be led to pray for someone in the grocery store parking lot, or hear the voice of the Lord telling me to speak prophetically over someone. I want to make a difference to the people around me. I want to reveal Christ in my everyday life, not just at church with people who believe just the same way I do.

So, I am asking Him for peace….and ears to hear what He will say.

This is the word the Lord’s been speaking to me lately.  During prayer time this morning, and then more during worship, I felt the Lord showing me something that I really need to apply to me life.  It’s not a new concept….He’s been speaking about this to me for quite some time, but this morning the pieces of it all came together for the first time.  I’ll try to explain it in more detail.

I have a tendency to live life in auto-pilot.  If I’m out running errands or even tasks that I do in my business,  my mind is somewhere else.  My mind is always working, thinking, planning, evaluating……How do you turn it off?  Sometimes I’m caught up in the past, reviewing past issues, hurts, events etc.  Sometimes I’m in the future, planning, creating new concepts for my business, coming up with new product ideas…..but what the Lord has been showing me for a while now is to live in the present.  In the present, we are taking in the monent.  We are living and experiencing people and moments around them….taking them in, being aware of things around us. 

That has never been me.  I’ve never been a people watcher like some members of my family (you know who you are  🙂  )  And we’ve talked at times about how different we experience the same events.  One of my daughters loves to just sit at the airport and watch people, striking up conversations with those around her and seeing what will come from it.  Not me!  Give me a good book and I’ll get lost even though I’m around the same people as her.  I relish the escape.  I’m not a people person, I don’t look for people to talk to and it stretches me to have to put on that hat.  BUT, how can I be an effective witness to those around me if I live life in escape mode?  Is this like hiding my talents in the ground?  Scripture says that when the master returned he was not pleased with the servant who had hid his talents…..  So I’ve been having this word stir in me for a couple of months now, “Live in the present”.  

A friend of mine did a word study on the word “abide”.  John 15:5 says I am the vine, you are the branches;  He that abides in me, and I in him, the same brings forth much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

The word abide in the Greek means to stay (in a given place, state, relation or expectancy) continue, dwell, be present, remain, stand, tarry

I don’t think it’s coincidental that her study on abide and the word rolling around in me for all this time are the same.  What I’m seeing from this is that part of abiding in the Lord is to be in the present.  To reign in my constant rolling thoughts and just BE…..  So here’s what happened to me today.  I know I would have missed this opportunity if I’d been in my normal mode.

After church I went to Walmart to pick up a few items for the week.  I knew I had an afternoon of cooking ahead of me to prepare for the week since I’m on the GAPS diet and have to be intentional about what I eat and plan ahead so I can be successful, but I digress….more about that in another post soon.  As I was leaving Walmart, I passed a man standing in the rain with a pancho and a duffle bag.  He had a sign that said he was traveling and was hungry.  I glanced over at him and read his sign, then drove on through the light.  A couple of blocks down the street I sensed that perhaps I was supposed to do something.  I didn’t want to give him money but I could buy him a meal.  I continued to drive and shot a quick prayer to the Lord asking if this was from Him or just my own imagination.  I quickly realized that I never imagine thoughts like that so I started trying to figure out what to buy him.  Then I saw the Arbys.  They have cold sandwiches and chips.  I didn’t want to buy him something hot with fries.  They would get cold in no time and be gross.  So I drove through Arbys, got him a turkey and Swiss cheese sandwich with chips and a bottle of water.  Then I drove back to Walmart looking for him.  He was still there, but now he was sitting down on the curb, just sitting there in the rain.  I drove back by him, rolled down my window and motioned for him to come over.  I passed the bag and water bottle through the window and asked him where he was headed to.  He said Hannibal, he had secured a job there in the chemical plant.  I said I would be praying for him and drove away.

On the way home I spent some time praying for him.  I thought of the movie Les Miserables and sensed perhaps he needed a new beginning, so I prayed the rest of the way home that the Lord would give him a new beginning.

If I had been in my normal mode….thinking about the past or future, or planning etc. I would have missed the opportunity to bless someone.  I’m asking the Lord for more moments like this.  I want to be used by Him.  I want to quit letting my time be consumed with everything else besides what’s on His heart.  I pray this is the beginning of a new chapter…one of living in the present  🙂